ripping apart my reality

the closer christmas gets the more excited i get. my heart gets all worked up thinking about the books on my "wish list" that i'll be receiving. i look forward to exploring life, love, the Word, God, with men and women like abraham joshua heschel (one of the greatest thinkers of the 20th century -- read him), brennan manning, shane claiborne, rob bell, neil cole, donald miller, brian mclaren, dallas willard, margaret feinberg, dave eggars and john sanders. it's going to be a good year for reading.

even though these books get me excited, they don't cause my heart to pound with excitement like giving presents to those people i've bought for. i can't wait to give l'ray her gift, i put so much time into. i'm really excited to give my nephew and my son their first pair of vans.... how cool is that.

but (there is always a "but" isn't there?), God has began to rip apart my reality of Him and where the gospel lives. as if wrecking my concept of Him isn't enough, God has began to cause me to search for what the church looks like.

the more i read the gospels and examine the life of Christ, the more i see a God who surrounded himself with the poor, the marginalized, the outcast. about six weeks ago a group of around 8 of us went to downtown lubbock to hangout with the homeless. we went not armed with gospel tracks telling the homeless how a regurgitation of words can save them, but we journeyed, armed with bottled water, sandwiches and clothes stuffed in the back of a suv. we had no intentions of making "converts" we went simply to minister to the broken.

the funny thing is, we were ministered to. that morning my heart was heavy. i didn't talk to anyone we encountered for the first 45 minutes of our time downtown. an increasing weightiness fell upon my soul and i just sat on the steps of the library and cried and prayed. finally i stood up and walked over to a veranda just east of the library and sat down next to a man; a scruffy, dirty, smelly and oddly positive man. as i sat and talked with russell i learned that he had been homeless in the central texas/dallas area (i give the region because the homeless are nomads) and early this summer his lost all of his possession, not that he had much, in the floods. as russell continued to talk about farming when he was young and how he couldn't remember what happened to cause himself to be homeless i saw him not for his dirtiness, but rather for his ordinary nature. his life was a gradual slide, down the hill from middle class farmer past the coldness of poverty and into the ravine of homelessness. the more he talked the more his smile faded and five minutes into our conversation he wasn't as cheerful as he was when i first handed a couple of ham sandwiches and a bottle of water. russell went on to tell me that he lost his best friend in the floods this year, that's why he moved to lubbock.

the more he talked, the more i could see the memories flow behind his eyes and fill his heart with grief.


you see, the homeless form networks of communities. they form families with others that are homeless. they are a family of outcast in a world of "normalcy". so for russell to lose his best friend, meant he lost everyone he loved and everyone that loved him... something else that i noticed about the homeless -- they don't take more than they need. i tried to give them an abundance of water, or clothes (particularly socks... homeless people need socks the worst) but they wouldn't take it. they would look at me when i offered a third sandwich for the 8 time, "we don't need it, it's too much".

i was taught more about God in two hours of conversation with 5 homeless people, than i've learned on sunday mornings in the past 5 years. sad but true. men and women of no education (russell dropped out to farm when he was 10) blessed me with a new understanding of God unlike anything i've had before. and the funny thing was.... they didn't even know what they were teaching. they were simply being open and vulnerable.

i could tell you about how i've learned that the vast majority of the homeless would love to change their situation but it's hard to get hired when you look like and smell like them. therefore it's hard to push up off the ground when you can't get a start. i could tell you how God was in russell, in marlin, in "cowboy", in an older couple who sleep in mackenzie park, and how He began to reveal to me that He can't be defined by theology. i could tell you how my "doctrine and belief statements" had no merit in the wake of the homeless. i could tell you how God started opening my eyes to the fact that theology is a funny word to Him. i could tell you a million things but i haven't started that book yet, so we'll stick with one thing.

as i sit in the comfort of my life God tears my heart apart for the poor. He opens me up and pours in the reality of the kingdom. the kingdom of God is a kingdom of service, not a kingdom of power. every time God begins to teach me something, He starts by breaking me and causing my mind and heart to search not only the depths of Him but of myself. With every self searching moment, He places a question in my heart. today the question has evolved into questions. "why do we wait until christmas to give a can of food or give our excess to charity? how can we truly live a life that resembles that of Christ and not know the poor?"

"christmas giving" is a beautiful glimpse into the heart of Christ and His generosity, but it's only a glimpse. i'm struggling to remember the scripture in which Christ tells us to give to our local salvation army and they will clothe the poor. it's vague but i don't recall scripture saying, "when i was hungry, you brought a can of food to the food bank at christmas and they fed me." i'm not sure i've got those right....

Christ specifically says in matthew, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’" for many christians today (or grouping us into "churches") the poor and oppressed are kept in an alternate world, but we can access this mysteriously misread world through our local food bank. shane claiborne said, "the church becomes a distribution center, a place where the poor come to get stuff and the rich come to dump stuff. both go away satisfied (the rich feel good, the poor get clothed and fed), but no one leaves transformed... Jesus did not set up a program but modeled a way of living that incarnated the reign of God, a community in which people are reconciled and our debts are forgiven just as we forgive our debtors (all economic words). that reign did not spread through organizational establishments or structural systems. it spread like disease -- through touch, through breath, through life. it spread through people infected by love."

are we so obsessed with creating multi-million dollar buildings to "reach" thousands so that we can build more, preach more, and sing more? i'm beginning to wonder where Jesus is in all this expansion. i wonder where Christ fits into our five year plan when all it involves is having more services and a fuller sanctuary while the hungry stay hungry and the homeless stay homeless. i'm struggling with our focus on expanding our territory and target demographic all the while spending millions on metal and wood; metal and wood that don't construct anything significant. we are so focused on the latest culturally relevant idea to pull more people in that we've forgotten about what millions of dollars would do for the homeless in our area.

WHAT WOULD A MILLION DOLLARS DO IN LUBBOCK TEXAS FOR THE HOMELESS?

WHAT IF CHURCHES STOPPED CONSTRUCTING BUILDINGS AND STARTED BUILDING COMMUNITIES?

community doesn't come through the front doors of a church. community leaves the front doors and goes to the masses pushed to the margins and sits with them in love, in encouragement, sharing everything they have.

when did we make Christ look like a sunday morning preacher?

what does your congregation look like? anyone homeless? anyone poor? anyone different than you? if not, then do something about it?

excuses for disregarding the outcast aren't enough anymore...

where did we go astray?

i think i'll leave this one like this... open ended for you to search for yourself. i don't want anyone to feel guilted into relationships because all that does is cause more hurt for someone else.


may you search today. may your heart be troubled. may you cry for the broken and be led to do something about it.


peace be with you,

.:rustinklafka