is the blood of a bull enough?

it seems with every high there is a low to follow. Perhaps I'm the only one who experiences life this way, but this cycle of ups and downs sometimes seems exhausting; doesn't it?

the holidays were fantastic, as a whole. I had only a day and a half of work and then just rest and relaxation the rest of the week, or so i thought. immediately following thursday's festivities with the family, my exhaustion began to set in. it wasn't the tired physical exhaustion, it was something much heavier and much greater. this exhaustion was a spiritual thing (since we know there is no separation between the physical and the spiritual). by the time sunday rolled around, i simply wanted to lay down and die. my spirit was spent.


i woke up sunday morning, not wanting to get ready for church in the slightest way, but my son (kye) was being dedicated and i wasn't going to miss that for anything. when church finally started, worship seemed stale for me, and then brad gets up to speak and i didn't hear a thing he said. i began to journal. i wrote more than i have in years.

all of these things started flowing out of me.

the entire weekend i had been praying for forgiveness and asking God to relieve me of my sins, so that i could move on and not feel so burdened. i had been praying for release. but when i was journaling, God was revealing to me what was holding me back. He was trying to show me what i had in front of my eyes causing me to not be able to see Him.

during the message sunday i wrote this, “father, why can’t i shake the things that cause me to fall? i want to. every time i fall i don’t know what to do next. when i fall flat on my face it’s always harder to get back up than it was the last time. what shall I do out of my mistakes? should I forget my mistakes? should my memories be forgotten?

so, if Christ has forgiven me and put my sins behind Him (out of His memory), that’s what I should do. i need to forget my shortcomings. IT’S HARD FOR CHRIST TO USE A MAN WHO ISN’T CONSUMED WITH HIM BUT RATHER IS CONSUMED WITH PAST MEMORIES THAT HE GIVES TO SATAN TO USE.”

it's funny how Christ reveals our thoughts, our beliefs, our hearts to us when we dive into deep conversation with Him or even when we dive into great discussion with someone else and we are totally open and vulnerable. God has always had this unique ability to show me my true nature when i have deep, rich conversations with the people i'm closest to.

God began to reveal to me just exactly what holds me down with the greatest strength. For me, the greatest thing that holds me down are the memories of my sins. It’s not the sins themselves, it’s being reminded of how I’ve messed up. It’s not my sins that cause me to stop focusing on God; it’s the guilt of doing what I’ve done. In essence, it’s my thoughts that hinder my walk the most.

my thoughts hinder me… how crazy is that idea?

and after sunday things were going pretty well. i began to feel relief from these thoughts that held me so captive. then... sunday night i had the strangest dream. it was so vivid. it was one of those dreams that you wake up from and think, "man, was i just dreaming or did that just happen?" it was that real.

it was a dream filled with my past. issues that years ago i struggled with. issues of the gigantic "what if?" it's those thoughts that kill us in themselves much less having a dream that brought them all back up again. so, needless to say, all of monday my head was full of these memories. i had no intentional communion with God.

once again my memories were killing my soul.

my thoughts were not mine, nor did God have my focus.

that night i began to wonder, "who am i giving my thoughts to?"

funny enough this wasn't the first time i had this thought. i wrote this in my journal on sunday: "are we giving our thoughts to Christ, so that He might use them for His glory placing them in the wake of His grace and mercy? o r are we giving our thoughts to satan, so that he might take them, twist them, trampling our heart by distorting the reality of forgiveness? it’s not just the sin that kills us, it’s our memory of them and the guilt that follows on it’s coat tail."

for most of us we have this perception that in order to be forgiven enough to be trusted with anything, we must earn it. m aybe you weren’t taught this concept but for so many of us, rather we realize it or not, we have this skewed view of forgiveness, trust, and love; which in turn effects how we view our own faith, salvation, and grace.

Hebrews 10:8-18 says, "First he said, “Sacrifices and offerings, burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them” (although the law required them to be made). Then he said, “Here I am, I have come to do your will.” He sets aside the first to establish the second. And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.
Day after day every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God. Since that time he waits for his enemies to be made his footstool, because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.

The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says: “This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.” Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin."

v.8: “sacrifices and offerings you did not desire, nor were you pleased with them” Wow, we don’t have the time to go into this tonight, but just think about this concept during the week – God was not pleased with sacrifices for sins, guilt, etc. (for further reading look at Leviticus).

v.11&12: “Day after day the priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God.”

If the sacrifice couldn’t take way the people’s sins, why was it a law?

From the time the Law of Moses was established and the people of Israel began to sacrifice goats, bulls, sheep, for sin offerings, guilt offerings, Passover, the priests and High Priest would be the ones carrying out these religious duties. They were the ones who would stand at the alter in the temple and offer the sacrifices on behalf of the person, everyday. They slaughtered so many animals that historians recorded that the river running next to Jerusalem ran red from the blood of the sacrifices offered during Passover.

God had given the people, starting with Abraham, a visual symbol that their sins had been forgiven. NOTICE: it was never the blood that flowed onto the alter that saved them from their futility; it was their faith in God. But like any other provision God gives us, we begin to focus on it rather than on God. Over time, the people began to focus too much on the blood of the bulls, and rams to “forgive” them of their sins. They began to think that they needed to offer something to God for salvation.

We don’t do this today, do we? We don’t try to achieve the favor and grace of God by “staying consistent”, “going to church”, “having your quiet time”, “getting in the word”, etc, etc.

what do you do to make yourself feel better about your mistakes? it just seems that confessing our sins or praying for forgiveness are more about us. because the reality is that God has already forgiven us. so, if we could see ourselves like God sees us -- beautiful, clean, righteous, worthy -- then we might not walk around with such a great amount of guilt and shame.

it’s like we have to do something for ourselves to know that we are in God’s “good graces”.

do you attempt to “earn” grace by doing things that make you feel like you are in right standing with God, even when you know grace is free.

what are you “sacrificing” to make yourself feel better about your sin? granted, it's not a bull on an alter, but what do you routinely do when you find yourself broken and down?

verse 17&18 say, “then he adds: ‘Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.’ And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.”

what a beautiful truth!

i'm reminded of a story in a book by brennan manning. there was an older lady in a community about the size of lubbock and it was being reported or rumored that she was having visions of Christ. not only was she seeing Christ but she was talking with Him. naturally, the local leader of a church went to investigate (because we can't have people having visions of Christ). as this church leader sat down with the lady he began to investigate the validity of her visions. as the conversation drew to a close he decided to ask her to do something.

he asked her if the next time she had a vision if she would ask Christ what he confessed at his last confession. he also asked her to let him know when she did this so he could come talk to her. talk about a slap in the face and yet she politely agreed.

weeks went by and the man began to hear that she had another vision, so he went back for a second visit. he sat down with the woman and asked, "have you had another vision?"

"yes i have", the woman said.

the man replied, "did you ask Christ what i confessed at my last confession?"

"yes."

"well, what did He say?"

"He said He doesn't remember." the woman replied.

He said He doesn't remember.

Let it sink in...

I love all of you.

A word of Blessing:
May your mind be held captive by the beauty of God’s Grace.
May you drop your coat of memories and guilt down, letting it slide off of your back, landing behind you so that you may leave it there.
May you realize that the blood of your sacrifices do not save you.
And may you see that God doesn’t remember your last confession.
You have been forgiven, despite all that you do and all that you don’t do

peace be with you,

.:rustinklafka