if you don't know, my wife and i had our daughter Haygen Reese on January 13, 2009. leading up to this amazing event, L'Ray had been having a tough pregnancy to say the least. while we were in lubbock visiting family L'Ray started having contractions so we rushed her to the hospital, where we spent a day of thanksgiving break. her doctor informed us that for the remainder of the pregnancy she would be put on bed rest.
when she got put on bed rest our entire schedule changed. L'Ray was stuck in bed and could only get up for the necessities. i started working a couple of hours in the morning before our son Kye woke for the day. then i would come home and take care of him and L'Ray until he laid down for his nap at 2pm. then i was back at the office until about 4, at which point i headed back to the house for more family time. i began doing the things that L'Ray did and man did she do more than i imagined around the house.
after a good teeth brushing for Kye he was down around 10pm and it was finally time for just me and L'Ray. when L'Ray would hit the hay i was back at it, finishing up things that didn't get done during my time in the office. my pillow usually didn't even feel my head flop down until sometime in the AM. I was Mr. Mom and i loved it! well, most of the time...
i tell you all of that because what happened was there were times when i began to feel overwhelmed by the situation we found ourselves in. it was in this spirit of exhaustion that satan grabbed hold of me and stealthily slid his arms around my chest and began to slowly constrict all air out of my lungs.
the more i tried to breathe, the tighter grip he took. the worst part of it all -- i didn't realize he had ahold of me. with lungs compressed and my knees feeling week, i fell flat on my face and could not pick myself back up. i became a victim to my situation. i began to feel tired, grumpy, unmotivated, inconsistent and spiritually dead.
i lived like this until recently.
it's funny how God speaks to me sometimes. his methods of getting my attention are quite unique, unforgettable and blunt. i am constantly waiting to see a talking donkey around the corner.
i was sitting down for a break from a good day of serious cleaning, when i thought, "i've got a few shows on dvr. i'll watch those." so i picked one of my favorites - kitchen nightmares. (laugh if you want). at the end of the show, the viewer learns that the restaurant that was 're-made' ended up closing the doors in less than six weeks. after getting ahold of the owners, the host arranges a meeting. at the meeting our passionate host tells the owner that she has squandered a brilliant opportunity; she had wasted it all away because she was lazy.
i felt like God punched me in the stomach. it was terrible. all i could hear was God saying, "you're wasting a terrific opportunity with this church, with your leaders, and with your family. you are giving me 30% when i am asking for 150%. "
it didn't stop there. it was as if God sat me down and said, "you've been wanting people to serve... you have a wife who needs you more than ever, a family, and a church that you can serve, but you're not. you're mediocre at best!"
it sucked. i started thinking and realized that i had been praying before i moved to Lewisville for people to 'serve'. i had been praying for it after we moved here as well. God had blessed me with a wife i could serve, kids to serve, and not to mention leaders and church members i could serve at any time i wanted.
i had all of this in front of me and i was squandering it all away because satan had me so focused on the what i was getting out of life, not what i was investing in it. my eyes had been shifted to ME and MY situation. suddenly it was all about ME whether i said anything to anyone or not - deep down it was ALL ABOUT ME.
taking care of my family
serving the church
being a minister
studying
prayer
worship
IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME and i played it off in my head like it was being done for the kingdom.
like many of us - i am really good at 'faking it'.
when we begin to fake it, church becomes the 'time honored institution'. in reality, the church should be a movement.
so i would like to extend an apology to all who i've had the opportunity to serve and have yet to do so. i've not been the spiritual leader i need to be. but times are changing and i feel more motivated than i have since i can remember. so look out! God has placed a fire within me to urge the stagnant up out of the seat of mediocrity. it's time to run again.
after the waves of emotion calmed a bit, i started thinking of how Christ is hardest on those who profess to be believers but yet exhibit none of the characteristics of a believer.
my mind is now replete with questions.
if you can't ask yourself the tough questions and answer them truthfully - growth is a grim reality for you.
so here they are for you to consider. i press you to ask yourself these. God asked me these and "it was the best of times and the worst of times".
are you faking it? are you pretending to be in tune with God a couple hours a week when the rest of your week resembles Hell more than Heaven?
are you exhausted yet?
it's absolutely draining to pretend sunday after sunday to be in love with Jesus. i've always been in Love with Christ but for a couple of months i was more concerned with ME than HIM.
do you think more about your prosperity than that of the Kingdom?
do you spend more time being selfless or selfish?
do you base a good church service on what worship did for you?
has life become all about you
about your prosperity
your retirement
your house
your wallet
your job
you
we all want the world to change, but we must be the first to give all of ourselves away so God can use us to bring heaven to earth.
if aren't willing to change, then how can we expect the lost to change?
if we sit and do nothing...
if we aren't willing to allow God to pose the difficult questions...
if we can't give our full hearts to Christ and be ready to go where He tells us to go....
then our lives look less like the Kingdom and more like the world.
it's time for you and me to stand up and serve people.
it's time for us to move.
it's time to stop being an institution known as "the church" and become a movement that was once called "the Way".
may we see Christ in all things.
may we understand that this life is about more than the american dream.
may our hearts and souls be ready to be pressed and molded to look more like Jesus.
may you serve your God, your brothers and sisters, and the world.
peace be with you.
when she got put on bed rest our entire schedule changed. L'Ray was stuck in bed and could only get up for the necessities. i started working a couple of hours in the morning before our son Kye woke for the day. then i would come home and take care of him and L'Ray until he laid down for his nap at 2pm. then i was back at the office until about 4, at which point i headed back to the house for more family time. i began doing the things that L'Ray did and man did she do more than i imagined around the house.
after a good teeth brushing for Kye he was down around 10pm and it was finally time for just me and L'Ray. when L'Ray would hit the hay i was back at it, finishing up things that didn't get done during my time in the office. my pillow usually didn't even feel my head flop down until sometime in the AM. I was Mr. Mom and i loved it! well, most of the time...
i tell you all of that because what happened was there were times when i began to feel overwhelmed by the situation we found ourselves in. it was in this spirit of exhaustion that satan grabbed hold of me and stealthily slid his arms around my chest and began to slowly constrict all air out of my lungs.
the more i tried to breathe, the tighter grip he took. the worst part of it all -- i didn't realize he had ahold of me. with lungs compressed and my knees feeling week, i fell flat on my face and could not pick myself back up. i became a victim to my situation. i began to feel tired, grumpy, unmotivated, inconsistent and spiritually dead.
i lived like this until recently.
it's funny how God speaks to me sometimes. his methods of getting my attention are quite unique, unforgettable and blunt. i am constantly waiting to see a talking donkey around the corner.
i was sitting down for a break from a good day of serious cleaning, when i thought, "i've got a few shows on dvr. i'll watch those." so i picked one of my favorites - kitchen nightmares. (laugh if you want). at the end of the show, the viewer learns that the restaurant that was 're-made' ended up closing the doors in less than six weeks. after getting ahold of the owners, the host arranges a meeting. at the meeting our passionate host tells the owner that she has squandered a brilliant opportunity; she had wasted it all away because she was lazy.
i felt like God punched me in the stomach. it was terrible. all i could hear was God saying, "you're wasting a terrific opportunity with this church, with your leaders, and with your family. you are giving me 30% when i am asking for 150%. "
it didn't stop there. it was as if God sat me down and said, "you've been wanting people to serve... you have a wife who needs you more than ever, a family, and a church that you can serve, but you're not. you're mediocre at best!"
it sucked. i started thinking and realized that i had been praying before i moved to Lewisville for people to 'serve'. i had been praying for it after we moved here as well. God had blessed me with a wife i could serve, kids to serve, and not to mention leaders and church members i could serve at any time i wanted.
i had all of this in front of me and i was squandering it all away because satan had me so focused on the what i was getting out of life, not what i was investing in it. my eyes had been shifted to ME and MY situation. suddenly it was all about ME whether i said anything to anyone or not - deep down it was ALL ABOUT ME.
taking care of my family
serving the church
being a minister
studying
prayer
worship
IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME and i played it off in my head like it was being done for the kingdom.
like many of us - i am really good at 'faking it'.
when we begin to fake it, church becomes the 'time honored institution'. in reality, the church should be a movement.
so i would like to extend an apology to all who i've had the opportunity to serve and have yet to do so. i've not been the spiritual leader i need to be. but times are changing and i feel more motivated than i have since i can remember. so look out! God has placed a fire within me to urge the stagnant up out of the seat of mediocrity. it's time to run again.
after the waves of emotion calmed a bit, i started thinking of how Christ is hardest on those who profess to be believers but yet exhibit none of the characteristics of a believer.
my mind is now replete with questions.
if you can't ask yourself the tough questions and answer them truthfully - growth is a grim reality for you.
so here they are for you to consider. i press you to ask yourself these. God asked me these and "it was the best of times and the worst of times".
are you faking it? are you pretending to be in tune with God a couple hours a week when the rest of your week resembles Hell more than Heaven?
are you exhausted yet?
it's absolutely draining to pretend sunday after sunday to be in love with Jesus. i've always been in Love with Christ but for a couple of months i was more concerned with ME than HIM.
do you think more about your prosperity than that of the Kingdom?
do you spend more time being selfless or selfish?
do you base a good church service on what worship did for you?
has life become all about you
about your prosperity
your retirement
your house
your wallet
your job
you
we all want the world to change, but we must be the first to give all of ourselves away so God can use us to bring heaven to earth.
if aren't willing to change, then how can we expect the lost to change?
if we sit and do nothing...
if we aren't willing to allow God to pose the difficult questions...
if we can't give our full hearts to Christ and be ready to go where He tells us to go....
then our lives look less like the Kingdom and more like the world.
it's time for you and me to stand up and serve people.
it's time for us to move.
it's time to stop being an institution known as "the church" and become a movement that was once called "the Way".
may we see Christ in all things.
may we understand that this life is about more than the american dream.
may our hearts and souls be ready to be pressed and molded to look more like Jesus.
may you serve your God, your brothers and sisters, and the world.
peace be with you.
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