the emptiness of the cross

the rain gently taps my window as if it were nature's percussion section of a symphony orchestra. a beautiful accompaniment to "one love" by Bob Marley playing softly in the background. the elements are in place to create the ideal atmosphere for reflection and meditation.

so i sit.

i reflect.

on my past 11 months here in Lewisville.

on how it felt to have a second child, Haygen Reese.

on successes and failures.

on serving the needy and trying to find ways to urge believers to serve.

as my mind is filled with sounds, smells, and emotions of serving people my heart overflows with fear, heartache and joy.

this reflection of service is one that occupies my mind most.

there is a prevalent feeling of fear at the moment. it's not a fear for me personally, but for others. early on in my walk with Christ i was terribly fearful that people would never come to the saving Grace of Jesus Christ and that is still the case today, but i've begun to realize that my method at which i present the Gospel is different. my method to counteract this fear is different.

i used to present a compelling argument through scripture references and historical facts that would lead people to understand that Jesus was real and then i would lead into the "spiritual" elements of how a person becomes a believer in Christ. it was either the Roman Road or The ABC method or both if someone needed some serious swaying.

i walked with Christ for 7 years before i met the living, breathing, loving Jesus that i know now.

the Jesus i knew the first seven years of my Christian life was found in the the pages of books by men like C.S. Lewis, A.W. Tozer, John Piper, and Martin Luther.

that Jesus was convincing,

academic

theological

eloquent.

i poured myself into hours of studying scripture. i would write exegetical papers for myself because that was the best way i learned. i spent countless hours in front of my computer or staring down at words written 300 years earlier because i wanted to know Jesus more.

i did learn a considerable amount about my Saviour through my studies, but i'm not sure i learned who He was, what he cared about, why he did what he did, or what Grace looked like.

i'm not discounting the benefits of studying scripture because i believe it helped me learn some key cultural elements that reveal more about Jesus than i would have known otherwise.

what i am saying is that i had gained a good bit of knowlegde about Jesus, Paul, Peter, John, Luke and other characters of the Bible but i had yet to feel what Jesus felt when he touched the leper or what emotions pulsed through His body as the woman grabbed the hem of His garment.

i had my head wrapped around Jesus but still couldn't understand why people give up so much to follow Him.

the comprehension of why people sell everything to become missionaries in India, or downsize to a 1000 square foot home so they can give more to the needy escaped me.

it wasn't until i sat beside a homeless man who had lost everything he owned, which were the things he could carry on his back, in a flood in central texas, that i felt the cry of the oppressed.

for the first time in my journey with Christ i saw heartache.

i saw hunger in a man's eyes.

i saw humility.

i remember my soul being filled with confusion and brokenness.

confusion entered my heart because i could not comprehend why i saw Jesus in the eyes of this man unlike i have ever seen in anyone's eyes before. before this i had stood up and shaken a thousand hands on many sunday mornings and never saw the heart of Christ like i saw in His eyes.

as our conversation went on, his story broke me. his life was a tale of poverty, of trials that i may never face. it was a story that great books are made of.

in this moment sitting beside a man that smelled like he hadn't showered in weeks, the sweet aroma of Grace poured over me. i've tried to explain what the feeling was that consumed me, but i truthfully can't. i could type the most eloquent poem about what i felt, but it would never do that feeling justice.

Jesus showed up in homeless man's eyes. i could hear him in his voice.

in less than 10 minutes i began to understand why Jesus touched the leper. healing the man wasn't Jesus' only teaching point of His action. when you let go of all of your pride, all of your selfishness, all of yourself, that's when you can Jesus.

you can spend 24 hours a day studying scripture and reading the words of our church fathers but until you get up from your table and allow your tired eyes to rest on the needy, you'll never know what the Gospel is.

if you never get your head out of books you may never know who Jesus is.

this is probably where my heartaches the most - seeing believers justify pursuing life for themselves and in doing so, fooling themselves into thinking that all they need is to learn about the elements of being a faithful christian.

the reality is that knowing how to follow Jesus and actually dying to yourself to follow Him are two entirely different things. this is what separates a believer from a non-believer.

the question today isn't "how much scripture do you know?" or "how many christian books have you read?" but rather, "have you put your selfishness aside today, to serve Christ above all else?"

when you set yourself aside to serve Jesus, he's not going to have you pursuing life for you alone. Jesus will have you in trenches; in the heart of desperation.

Serving is never comfortable, nor is it easy, but why would you want it to be. man wasn't created for the pursuit of happiness but rather for the pursuit of the cross. the very symbol of desolation, torture, and humiliation.

but when you reach the cross you don't see a man hanging on it because he is gone. your eyes can still see the blood stains on the ragged wood grains; the very symbol or our atonement.

this empty cross is your truth.

it's your love.

it's the very grace that was poured out for you and has left a stain for you to see so that you will never forget the grace you must give to others.

this cross is where you die to yourself.

today, may you be covered in the conviction of the Holy Spirit to live as Jesus is asking you to live.

may your heart be filled with visions of the needy, the oppressed, the widow and the orphan.

may the love and grace extended to you be your driving force to serve.

may you see the cry of the oppressed.

peace be with you.

read the rest of this blog:.

inconvenienced by the Gospel

this past weekend i was able to be involved in something that changed me. it brought me back down to reality and showed me that what i do today has eternal significance. on saturday, april 25, 2009 thousands gathered in over 100 cities in North America, Europe, and Australia to raise awareness for the thousands in Uganda that are kidnapped and forced to fight in a war they do not believe in.

everyday in Uganda, children as young as 5 years old are abducted from their homes, taken to the Lord's Resistance Army camp and there the unspeakable happens. some are killed. others are forced to kill their friends, family or anyone the LRA so chooses, others are mutilated and left for dead. the unspeakable happens daily.

these children are forced to become the rebel army and now 90% of that army is below the age of 14. for over 20 years this war has been fought by children that are abducted and forced into slavery so that the bloodshed can continue.

children, the same age as your children or grandchildren are standing guard with AK-47's, ready to shoot at this very moment.

in three years, this is my son. i can't fathom.

children - fighting

killing

dying.

and for what?

this is why we gathered.

we gathered for peace.

we gathered to represent the thousands of children already abducted being forced to kill.

our plan was called 'The Rescue' because that is what must happen for these children to live to see tomorrow.

Invisible Children is a cause that is very dear to my heart. it is something that God has placed a heavy burden on my soul to pursue. these children who i may never meet are my passion.

i want to listen intently to what God is asking me to do and then follow Him.

once the divine tug has been pulled, i must follow. because if i don't follow, why am i even listening.

if i don't follow and become part of the solution, then i'm part of the problem.

for most of my life i didn't realize that if i see a need that i feel the Holy Spirit prompting me to reach out to help and i do nothing - i am part of the problem.

God isn't going to ask you to be a part of every humanitarian effort in the world, or give money to every homeless man you see on the street, but he does ask you to serve. Christ urges us to move, to lift up the oppressed, to raise the broken, and to help mend the deep wounds carved into the people around us.


we are all called to serve.

you might be called to serve the homeless. you might be called to move to South Africa. you could be called to adopt and give kids a home. you could be called to reach out to the depressed millionaire or to move to China and train pastors of the underground church.

i don't know who you are called to serve, i just know we are all called to serve someone. we are all called to listen for the cry of the oppressed and then find a way to build them up, to bring them out of oppression, but this can only be done when we are willing to give up ourselves to the cause.

over the course of the weekend i spent some time with a young man who teaches middle school in fort worth. now he doesn't look like your typical clean cut teacher. he had an arm full of tattoos on his left and a few more on his right, and he has had dreadlocks for the past year. not that his appearance means anything, but i thought it was interesting that a 20 something white guy who has dreadlocks and full of tattoos is able to lead our youth and i love the fact that the school district didn't let his appearance skew their judgement of the quality of his character.

as we talked, i found out that he and a group of young men just move to what he called, "the ghetto of fort worth" for the specific purpose of building up the community around them. they have converted their back yard into a community garden and have other projects in the works to lift up the poverty stricken. did i mention that previous to this, he spent two years teaching school in Uganda.

this is a man who is truly listening to what God is asking Him to do and then actually doing it.

after hearing his story i began to share with him a conversation i recently had with a young man about serving. during this conversation, a question kept popping up:

why do christians not serve more than we do?
is it a lack of concern?
is it a lack of time?
if there was a root to it all, what is at the root of us not serving the way the disciples of the first century served?

perhaps our current culture has gotten the best of us... we are a people, a country, driven by quick, easy remedies. we are men and women who thrive off of convenience. technology is outdated, the day after it is released because there is a new product coming out tomorrow that is faster, smaller, lighter, smarter, etc., etc., etc.

we are coaxed by media and advertising to think that these new products which are 'better' are exactly what we need - we can't live without them. and we buy into this lie.

we grab hold,

hook

line

sinker.

our lives today are driven by the convenience of the products we can buy.

think about it.

our phones, our cars, our homes, computers, what we eat, where we eat, television, ebooks, email, and more. they are constantly evolving into products of convenience.

if at the core, our lives are driven by the convenience of it all, are we following the prompting of God and giving our life to the Kingdom or are we building up storehouses of worldly things so that our lives are easier?

which did the disciples live for? convenience or the Gospel?

am i saying that we shouldn't have cell phones, good cars, email or things that make our lives more convenient? No.

what i am suggesting is that if you are allowing convenience to be the deciding factor behind whether you are serving the poor and the oppressed, you may want to take a step back and examine the purpose of your life.

it is convenience that seems to be the deciding factor on whether we should serve or not. it is this lifestyle that has fooled us into thinking that we don't have the time to serve. the truth is, we all have the time to serve. the question is: what are you willing to give up in your schedule so you can serve.

we spend entirely too much time devoted to things that don't matter and to be honest, are for own selfish pleasure.

think about how much time you spend doing things that really could be taken out of your life, but you don't want to let them go. there are a million things we do that we could do without.

far too often i let the things of this world become my deciding factor on whether i should serve or not. i am urging you to not do what i frequently do - give my life to the american dream of convenience - instead give your life to the Gospel.

sacrifice your convenience so that you might build up the oppressed,

speak for the voiceless

give hope to the hopeless

love the unloved

wash the feet of the dirty

feed the hungry

clothe the naked

give up your life today.

in the book of acts we read of the disciples leaving their homes to go where God was asking them to go. they left all that was convenient to them to share their lives with those who needed the hope of Jesus Christ.

was their life less complicated than yours? no. some of these men and women of the early church had families and children, but they left anyway because they were convinced that following God was better than floating through life as a half hearted believer.

are you in the neighborhood you're in because that's where God wanted you or because of convenience?

or are you like my friend called to the ghetto to build up the poverty stricken?

the ever pressing question i think of following Christ isn't if you hear where He is asking you to go, but rather are you willing to go where he is asking you to go.

today, it's up to you to ask God to search your heart and show you if you are a person driven by convenience or a person living to serve.

may you consider others better than yourselves.

may you realize that all of the things that make life 'easier' aren't what you need.

may scripture infiltrate your soul and consume you.

may serving the oppressed, the orphan, the poor and the widow be how people know you.

it's time to lay down a life of convenience, dust off your feet and start walking.

peace be with you.

read the rest of this blog:.

life lost under fear

i'm very excited for you all to read this post. this weeks artlicle was written by a dear friend, Sheldon Schwartz. he is a man who strives with all he has to be Christ every moment of the day. so please read with a readiness to move.
.:rustin


If I were to ask those of you reading this what you believed to be the most frequent command in the Bible, what would you say?

What would you say is the most given instruction spoken to us by God,
Jesus,
angels,
the prophets,
and the apostles?

I assume some of you would say something like "Turn from your evil ways," or "Do not commit adultery," or maybe "Obey my commands."

Others of you may lean more to the positive side and say that it would be something like, "Love one another," "Care for the orphans," or "Rejoice, and be glad."

Even though all of those are really good guesses, none of them quite reach the mark set by this one command. I am sure that most of you will be stunned to discover that the words "DO NOT BE AFRAID" make up the most frequently spoken command in our Scriptures.

But why this command? Why did God choose these words to speak to us more often than any others? And if this is God's most frequent command to us, what should we do with it?

The other day I was talking with an old friend who has, over the course of the last year, had his world violently shaken, turned upside down, stomped on, and seemingly ripped into a million little pieces. The two of us, and our families, have been friends since before I can remember; and the pain and shock from the situations in their lives have undoubtedly resonated through them into my life, my family, and all those who have loved them for so long. It has truly shaken our community; and the fact that my friend has any joy or hope left in his broken, beat down, and heavy heart can only be attributed to the grace of God.

However, on this day, the day of our conversation, my friend was not having one of his better days. He was tired; extremely tired. Tired from holding his over-sized world on his shoulders for so long.

He was overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with feelings of defeat and loneliness; as if all of his perseverance was in vain.

But most of all he was afraid.

Afraid that even though he told everyone it was going to be ok; that maybe it wouldn't be ok. Maybe everything was going to crumble and never be rebuilt.

Afraid. Afraid that because his father had failed, maybe it was in his genes to fail as well. Maybe he doesn't have whatever it takes to get over the mountain either.

Afraid. Afraid that he could not love the woman he has given his heart to the way she deserves to be loved; so, in his words "maybe it would be better if I lived the rest of my life alone, so that I never have to break her heart."

Afraid. Simply, and understandably afraid.

And it was in this moment, while my friend was pouring his heart out to me, that I saw myself in his shoes. Not as one looking from the outside in, but one that is wearing the very same sneakers and walking the very same path. I am in the same shoes as my friend, different circumstances, but the same shoes - heading in the same direction, with exactly the same problem: Fear.

Fear of the unknown, the what-ifs, and the uncertain. If you are anything like me you find yourself in our shoes from time to time, or maybe, if you are even more like me, more often than not.

Pastor and author N.T. Wright once wrote, "We all cherish fear so closely that we find we can't shed it even when we're told to do so. The person who has been worrying all term about exams finally finishes, and still wakes up the next morning with the adrenalin pumping, ready to dash off to the exam room one more time. The person who has worried for years about money, and then suddenly inherits enough and to spare, still finds that he or she goes hot and cold all over when walking past a bank."

I believe that most of us live our lives filled with fear. Some of us live this way knowingly, but most of us walk around hardly even noticing it. This is probably because we are all born into a world that drags us into this way of life shortly after we emerge from the womb.

Just look around.

When we were kids we were so afraid of being alone, unloved, and abandoned that we would cling desperately to our parents every time they would leave us, and then moments later we would mix with other children in hopes of finding a friend that would never leave our side.

Then, as we grow older, we become more aware of this race to out-do and out-shine everyone else, which leads us deep into the fears of looking stupid or falling behind.

As we begin to think about marriage we fear whether we are making the right decision, or if we will be a good spouse, or whether or not the whole thing will be a huge mistake and end horribly.

Most of us apply for jobs and are afraid we will not get the one we really want, and then when we do get it we are consumed with the fear that we don't have the ability to get the job done right or as good as the other person they could have hired.

Others of us are growing older and fear that we will not make it to see another year. So, we allow this fear to rob us of the last and maybe greatest years of our lives.

The list goes on and on and on.

So, why the command to not be afraid?

These truths about us and our habit of fear, lead me to believe that the reason the command "DO NOT BE AFRAID" occurs so often in the Bible is because God understands our depravity.

He knows that our default button usually is hidden under the label of fear. Therefore, He commanded us not to fear; over and over and over again...not just so that we wouldn't, but because we do not have to.

All of us know the effects of fear on our lives. It robs us of life. The worries consume our hearts and swallow all the hope, joy and freedom that Christ offers us. Fear sucks the life from our souls, and always leaves us feeling empty and alone. Yet, even though we hear the words "DO NOT BE AFRAID" from the mouth of our Father over and over again, we struggle to obey this command. If all this is true we must ask the question: Why?

Why should we not be afraid?

If God, Jesus, the angels, the prophets, and the apostles all command us not to be afraid, then what ground has God given us to help us stand on our quivering legs of fear?

In chapter 20 of the Gospel of John we find Mary weeping bitterly outside the empty tomb where Jesus' body once lay. She was afraid that someone had stolen the body of her friend, her healer, her Lord, and the one she had believed was the hope of Israel. I believe that Mary was not just weeping for herself or the loss of her friend; but she was weeping because the hope of Israel, the hope of the world, had been brutally crushed by the brute force of the Roman Empire and now His body had been stolen, probably never to be seen again.

In her mind this was another dream lost, more broken promises, a life of empty faith, and another failed Messiah. Her hope had been crushed. It had been swiped right out from under her, leaving her alone, sad, and afraid.

And here we find ourselves again. Mary in the same shoes as my friend, the same shoes that I find myself in, and the same shoes that you are probably are wearing too. But we all know that the Easter story does not end this way. Jesus appears to Mary.

Matthew tells us that He speaks these words to her, "DO NOT BE AFRAID." Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me." In other words, "Mary, DO NOT BE AFRAID. I am here. I have done what I said I would. I have risen from the grave. I have overcome the evil that you feared had won the victory. Death can not hold me! Your hope has returned and with me I have brought you life, peace, salvation, and the freedom from fear."

And there is our answer: The resurrection...that's the truth that will break the chains of fear...that's the solid ground that will keep our quivering legs from crumbling.

Jesus has risen! He has defeated death, and therefore removed all the fear from those who put their faith in Him! We have been set free. The resurrection of Christ is our hope of glory. Its our hope that God is on our side, that He wants what is best for us, that He is not going to leave us alone to wither and die. Its our hope the God is telling the truth when he says He loves us, and it is this truth that ultimately sets us free from living in fear.

The truth is Christ's resurrection reveals more than just our path to salvation, our forgiveness of sin, and our entry into heaven. These truths are undoubtedly real and vital to what we believe. But the resurrection of Christ points beyond that. It points to the God who is responsible for it all. It points to His character, His faithfulness, His undying love for His creation, and His endless pursuit to win them back to Himself.

The resurrection of Christ proves that God can be trusted with the small things in life. He can be trusted with your career, your school, your finances, your pain, your anger. He can be trusted, because He is the God who raises the dead.

I believe one of the biggest lies the enemy can place in the mind of a follower of Christ is that Jesus is not enough. If Satan can only get us to believe that Jesus is not enough to trust with our careers, our marriages, our businesses, our children, our money, or anything else in life, then he has won a great battle. However, if Jesus did raise from the grave then there is ultimately nothing we should be afraid of; as the Psalmist wrote in Psalm 116:8 "For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling."

I'll close with another quote from N.T. Wright, "If, then, we recognize the truth about the surpassing God, the God who raises the dead, we can trust him with every lesser task that may come our way. He can be trusted with exams; he can be trusted with jobs, even when they don't necessarily work out the way we thought they should. He an be trusted with marriage, both as we look forward to it with eagerness and trepidation and when we find ourselves within it and facing the stresses and strains of that all contemporary marriages must expect. He can be trusted with money, even when it seems as thought there is even less of it available than we had thought. He can be trusted with old age. He can be trusted with death itself. Of course he can; he is the God who raises the dead."

Let us walk in the freedom of fearlessness because our Father is good.

This is my friend's hope,

this is my hope,

this is your hope.
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just a savior?

today i want to take a moment to challenge you. it's good to wrestle with things and be challenged in the way that we think and what we believe. for some of us, our beliefs have never really changed too drastically in the past 5, 10 or 20 years. i'm not here to change your beliefs but rather push you to contemplate the way we percieve the world.

today is not a political statement. the issue discussed will be something i have wrestled with in the past and i want you to simply think about, but don't think about it from a republican, democratic, conservative, liberal, libertarian, or any other view. think about the issue from a Biblical mindset. try to think about what scriptures would have to say. think of how Jesus would view the issue. try not to think about what you've been raised to believe and try to not let your baggage overshadow the Gospel.

i recently received an email that discussed americas's "border policy" in regards to the benifits illegal immigrants have in the u.s. it stated, "the government gives benefits to 'illegal' aliens who have never contributed, where does that leave those of us..."

without jumping over to your "politcal" side, how do you feel about this?

did the excerpt from the email resonate with you?

have you complained about illegal immigrants lately?

was the issue of how our next president handled immigration part of your decision on who to vote for?

what is it about people coming to america that you don't like?

i've heard all the arguements about crime, drugs, taking jobs, etc. but what about the other 90% who just want to have a chance at living in a safer place? or having employment?

what does scripture say about "immigrants"?

in the Old Testament God told the people to leave some of their crops for the foreigners, so that they would have something to eat.

when I think about this, I wonder if these foreigners were like our illegal aliens? They were coming onto the land of God's people and eating what was left there for them. this idea of "God's people" has been carried over into the american mindset - think manifest destiny. if you don't remember what manifest destiny was, in a nutshell it was a political slogan that developed into an american mindset when men and women were spreading across the "un-claimed" landscape we know now as america. it was the belief that God had ordained the early settlers to take the land.

back to the foreigners of the Old Testament. they didn't work for the food they received, they never labored in the field to help it get to harvest, but God saw that they needed to eat regardless of what they did or didn't do. He asked His people (believers) to take care of them, to sacrifice, not to build fences around their land, but to allow people to come on it and eat from it.

think about the story of Ruth. this is a story about "illegal aliens" coming onto someones land and gleaning. it's a beautiful story about faithfulness, provision, loyalty, grace and love. Ruth and Naomi didn't have all they needed but it was the obedience of a believer that allowed them to eat off the land.

did God know that some of the people coming in were going to be violent, bad people - of course, but He still wanted them to be given some of what He blessed the believers with. like OT times, today we have 'foreigners' coming onto american soil and we are giving them what is left over. now some might argue that we give too much, but is it ours to give or keep? as it was done in ancient times, does God ask us to leave some for them to glean on as they come in and stay.

to be perfeclty frank, if I lived in juarez, mexico, I would want to come to America too. have you ever stood in el paso and looked across the border? the differences in the houses inhabitants of juarez call home and the homes in el paso are staggering. i would find a way to get here as quickly as I could.

so where do we draw the line between being Christians who want to protect our country and keep people out who need to be out, and being more than like Jesus?

i just feel Jesus saying, "come on over, we love you and will do anything we can for you. take my house, my car, my job. take what I have, because you are that important to God, so I will treat you as such." i don't see Christ saying, "stay there. you're an outlaw, a drug user, and not a good person, so you are to stay in your own filth, in your own country."

are we letting culture regulate our view of scripture or are we letting scripture change the way we view culture?

from a Biblical perspective, do we really own this country? i personally don't think so. if all things belong to God, doesn't this land belong to Him as well. now I know not all government officials are Christian but we are, so how do we support closing something off when it's not ours to do so with.

i heard a pastor make a statement about how the vast majority of believers today love Jesus. we love Him with all of our hearts, we love Him because He is our savior, but the reality is, we never really want to live like He did.

do we really want to become like Jesus? it's a serious question that i think we need to all ask oursevles. i know i need to ask myself.

we all love the fact that Jesus served the people and He even got down on His knees to wash His disciples feet, but is that really what you want to be your focus in life - serving others?

we are incredibly grateful that Jesus was beaten, spit on, and hated for what He did, but we would never let that happen to us.

we love the idea that Jesus laid down His rights, but we spend our lives fighting for ours and defending ours at all costs necessary.

we praise Him for our "blessings" He has given us and we thank Him that He spent His time on this earth in suffering for our sake, but we are going to have fun while we're down here and have a good life.

is your desire to be like Jesus? is Jesus just your savior or is He your role model?

i think it's important to ask ourselves this because all too often we get caught up in justifying all of the things in our lives that we really can't line up with the Gospel. it's as though we tell ourselves for so long that Jesus wants us to have this and this and this, that eventually we know Christ only as our savior rather than knowing the Jesus that we should be living like everyday.

all of this is asked because we, as followers of Christ, must see that there is something missing from most of our lives. we know the Savior, but do we know the Servant?

once Jesus becomes your role model and you start living like Him, your perceptions of the world will change and you might not be as concerned with politics as you once were, but rather, your concern might shift to the hearts and well being of all of God's creation. Jesus was a man who changed the country He lived in by changing the hearts of people, not by changing laws.

a last thought to chew on for the week - if you are passionate about abortion, or gay rights, or illegal immigration, i want to ask you when the last time you personally spent time and loved on a pregnant teenager contemplating abortion? when was the last time you befriended a gay couple and invested in their life? when was the last time you sat down and talked with a man who worked here illegally and sent all of his extra cash back home so his kids could eat?

we spend so much time talking about issues that are important to us, but we scarcely love the people these issues effect most.

being political is much easier than being like Jesus.

today, may you love the ones you don't want to love.

may your heart be stretched and your mind be perplexed.

may all that is in you be unsettled so that you wrestle with where you are at with Christ.

may you become more like Jesus today by serving those around you.

i love you all and i pray for your time to wrestle with all of this.

peace be with you.

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peaceful discontent

there is a delicate balance within our journey with Christ that revolves around contentment. i have determined that i am hardly ever spiritually content for any extended period of time because contentment of my spirit brings a mediocre walk. some might not agree with that statement but the disagreement stems from what we consider to be contentment or discontent.

i believe there are two kinds of discontent. there is the discontent within our spirit that drives us to want more of God. on the other hand, there is the discontent with what we possess in life that drives us to want more of the world. we usually possess one or the other but not both.

let's explore these two perspectives of contentment.

a woman, who we'll call Leah, is your common, everyday christian. she is a faithful church goer, she reads her Bible, she prays, and she tells people about Jesus. like many of us, Leah goes home every night to a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home in the suburbs where she pulls her $30,000 suv into the garage. she greets her kids with a smile and kiss and prepares dinner with gusto. her family eats in front of the TV tuned intently to see who's going to be the next american idol. after tv and clean up, it's bed time. she tells her kids a story, kisses them good night and sings the same lullaby she's been singing for the past 4 years. she is a good mom. once the kids are sleeping she walks down the hall to her room, plops down on her down comforter, reads a little and prays for her family, friends, co-workers, her country, and even those she doesn't know. then it's lights out because her day begins again at 6am.

if you were to talk to Leah you would soon discover that she really isn't happy with her life and where she is at. in fact, there is a great possibility that she would say, "i love our house, but the bathroom is out of date, and we could use another bedroom so we might as well be looking for a bigger house soon." or she might tell you, "the car is nice but I really want a new vw suv. they get better gas mileage, plus it has leather upholstery, seat heaters, and extra leg room which would all be good perks." the more you spend time with Leah, the more you would hear about how really at the root of it all, she is discontent with where she is at in life because of what she doesn't have.

people who are close to Leah know she loves Jesus and will talk about Him until the cows come home. and when you ask her how her walk is, she would say something like, "i am blessed. just absolutely great. God has been blessing us and we are so thankful for that." the more time you spend with Leah you notice that she hardly ever speaks of wrestling with a scripture or if she does, it ends with an agreement to disagree. her opposition to change was based off of her conflicts with her view of God and therefore the world; the world view that she has had her entire life.

what you might want to notice is where Leah's discontent sits. her discontent is not with her spiritual life or her family. rather, she is discontent with the things she possesses in life - the perks of her car, the size of her house, the money in her retirement account - the "blessings". in essence Leah is discontent with the "stuff" of life and content in her walk with Jesus.

let's take a look at another woman who attends church with Leah, we will call her Regina. Like Leah, Regina reads her Bible, prays, and shares her story with people she works with and encounters throughout her day. Regina drives her used car home, parks it outside the garage doors, flounders through the messy hallway so she can hug her kids and get dinner going. in the midst of the chaos she runs next door to see if her neighbors, who both lost their jobs last month, have plans for dinner. they don't, so she invites them over. she stretches dinner rations a little more than normal but everyone has something to eat - not an abundance, but enough.

after cleaning up dishes, they all sit down in the crowded living room and talk because tv is no longer an option since they couldn't muster up the extra money for the digital converter; it simply wasn't a priority.

the neighbors go home and kids get ready for bed. she tucks them in and walks to her room - the garage that her husband is still in the process of converting to an actual bedroom. she sits down on her mattress and opens up scripture to read, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves do not {merely} look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, {and} being made in the likeness of men."

she sits silently and her spirit begins to move and stir causing an uncomfortable feeling that she is familiar with, God is moving her to listen. Regina starts praying, asking God to show her how she could put others above herself, what could she do, how could she change?

if you were to sit down with Regina she would tell you, "life is good. we don't have much but what we do have i am thankful for. i really can't tell you anything that we could use, but our neighbors could use some groceries. you see, they both lost their jobs last month. they don't speak english very well so it's hard for them to find a job and they're going to be out of food soon."

she might also tell you that although her walk with Jesus is good there is always this sense of discontent but it's such a loving discontent it's healthy. it's this discontent that pushes her to listen to other people who view God differently than she does or that challenge her perspectives on politics, the world and even what living a christian life looks like.

in contrast, Leah would tell you that she hasn't really felt the presence of God in a while. her contentment with where she's at with God is due to a large part because she doesn't allow her thoughts, ideas, and perspective to be challenged. she doesn't realize that if she is never challenged, and is always certain of all of her beliefs, she doesn't grow and therefore doesn't change. if change never occurs, she will be the same spiritually at 65 that she was at 25.

Leah is discontent in the wrong area of life.

she is discontent with what she calls "blessings" and content with her spiritual life. this is a dangerous place to be for too long. our spirits are fluid like water. water when it remains unmoved and in the same place for an extended period of time becomes stagnant. stagnant bodies of water stink, literally. they are not a place for life to thrive because of the lack of oxygen in the water. nothing in the water changes. the water just sits there and everthing in it remains unmoved. there is a stillness that might appear good in the beginning that develops into a pool of lifeless goop in the end.

our spirits need to be like rivers. rivers are full of life because they are moving. rivers flow in a seemingly endless orchestra of beauty. the rocks on the bottom are no longer jagged and rough because the water has been flowing over them for so long carries small particles which over time have smoothed the rocks to objects soft and almost delicate. this water of motion is never truly at rest, even when it seems like it isn't moving, it is.

why is Leah like the pond?

it could be a multitude of reasons.

perhaps it's because she doesn't want to give up her nice car and big house?
perhaps she's afraid of the risk factor of letting God have ALL of it?
perhaps she has convinced herself that God wants her to be rich and have an easy retirement?
perhaps her perspective is more focused on the material than the Gospel message of giving herself away?
perhaps she has confused Jesus with the ideal version of herself based not on Grace but the american dream?

what Leah has failed to see is that these people who give all of themselves to God and are willing to be challenged to change and act on that challenge the way God is urging the to, are the people moving with the Kingdom.

Regina understands that there is going to be great times of spiritual peace and contentment, but they never last long, God always asks us to keep moving.

we need to be spiritual nomads - never satisfied with where we are at; always moving to the next fertile location for the benefit of the Kingdom.

Regina knows that peace comes through the uncomfortable.

Peace comes through change.

Peace comes through our willingness to say "YES" to God when he asks, "will you sale your house and move across town. I would love to show you myself through the people who are broken and have nothing, and I would really like to show them what I look like through you."

God is a God of change,

of rebirth,

of life,

of motion,

of peace through discontent.

may you find challenge in the Word.

may your heart be challenged by others around you.

may you look within yourself to see how you can become more like Jesus today.

peace be with you.
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the beautiful ritual

the mix of bitter and sweet consume me as i tear off a piece of a cinnamon pecan muffin and take a sip of warm espresso. it's 12am and i'm sitting in one of my favorite coffee houses i've found in the area - Jupiter House on the square in Denton. a steady flow of people move in and out the door, some to study, some to talk, some to flirt, and others.... well i'm not sure what they're doing but all seem to flow through with ease and i wonder if they know the hope that tomorrow points us toward.

today marks the beginning of lent. for many of us, we don't understand the concept of lent. we simply write it off as an empty, old world ritual.

in the winter of 2007 i felt led to participate in what i had once deemed as just another mindless ritual for people to observe. about eight months prior to this decision i was listening to an archived sermon given by rob bell at mars hill bible church in grand rapids, michigan. during the course of this sermon bell mentioned that several people of the congregation were going to fast from food for the 40 day period. at the time this seemed both miraculous and absurd all at once.


as I neared closer to winter and then new years i started feeling as though God might be asking me to do something, but yet i wasn't sure what it could be. the feeling and persistent pressure was so unspecific i had just filed it under "ambiguous" and pushed it to the side. february was just around the corner and God begin to reveal to me quite slowly why He placed a heaviness on my spirit for the past 6 weeks. He led me back to the topic of Lent, so i started reading up on the subject.

what i discovered was beautiful and disheartening.

what i learned is that Lent is deeply rooted in Christian history. Lent is a time for us to prepare ourselves for Easter because Easter is the celebration of the risen Christ, the empty tomb. Easter is the celebration of OUR HOPE.

these 40 days of lent are a time for us to not just "give" something up, but rather offer something to God.

it's a time of reflection and repentance.

it causes us to ask questions within our soul --

what do i need to give up to Christ?

what do i struggle with?

what within my soul do i need to surrender to God?

what would you give up out of repentance and conviction?

being that today is Ash Wednesday, you might see people walking around town with an ash cross smudged on their foreheads.

the ashes that are placed on the foreheads of christians represent the ashes that were so common in the old testament during times of mourning, as in Job 2 and Jonah 3. but we must search further back to the law and Moses (Leviticus). the Israelites would offer burnt offerings for penitence of sins. they would burn a bull as a sacrifice for the sins of the Israelite people to God. they would then take the ashes from that burnt offering and pour them out, outside of the camp.

why is this significant? it is significant because of where Christ was crucified.

He was hung on a cross outside the city walls of Jerusalem, outside the camp.

how was His sacrifice seen? it was seen as a sin offering to God for the sins of the people. it is the final sin offering.

if we hold Galatians 2:20 to heart and we die to Christ, will we put ourselves on the altar and sacrifice ourselves to God?

will we say to God, "i am serious about life with you. all i want is to see your face. You are what i long for. You are the reason the wolf howls and creation groans. i am homesick for you. when will i dine at your banquet table?"

i pray that you might begin to observe Lent today with me. embark on this journey with other men and women of God for one purpose - to grow closer to Him.

give something up that is a daily "need" to you.

if you spend 10 hours a week with your kid in sports, give it up to God and spend that time with Him in prayer, reading, writing, or even spend that time teaching your kid about God. your first reaction to that might be that your kid wouldn't understand, but he/she will see that the most important thing in your life is Christ, not sports - a lesson far too many children miss today.

if you spend 3 hours a night watching TV, give it up and commit that time to commune with God.

if you can't go a day without reading up on the latest celebrity gossip - give it up. you might just find yourself wanting to read more of the word than 'people'.

whatever you give up for lent this year, do it as a sacrifice to express to Christ how much He means to you. don't give up something that is going to be easy. give up something that will test you and push you to a point that you must rely on Christ to bring you through.

we often hesitate to sacrifice for God because we know how hard it's going to be, but if we truly step back i think we'll see that if he can willingly walk with a group of Roman soldiers to a torturous death... i can sacrifice something for 40 days.

how serious are we about our walk?

how long will we remain mediocre?

dr. stephen gave us a challenge this past sunday, are you going to step up?

it could start today. what a great way to focus ourselves on reaching the lost, than by preparing ourselves with a fast.

if you are going to observe lent with me, i would like to pray with you. drop me an email just to let me know you are taking this step and i will be in prayer daily for you.

i hope you see that there is a tremendous beauty in the ritual of Lent. all rituals aren't amiss. i would rather say that rituals have the potential to be effective in leading us toward the face of God and therefore good, but they are only good if we observe them with the purpose of benefiting the Kingdom. the moment a ritual becomes methodical and is no longer Spirit-led, the heart of the ritual is dead and it has now morphed into something men accomplish to make themselves feel better.

may you allow God to show you what you need to give to Him.

may your heart be given to God and ask Him to change you.

may the Love of Christ consume your soul.

may no need go unseen.

may God break us so that we have to rely on Him.

peace be with you.

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institution or movement

if you don't know, my wife and i had our daughter Haygen Reese on January 13, 2009. leading up to this amazing event, L'Ray had been having a tough pregnancy to say the least. while we were in lubbock visiting family L'Ray started having contractions so we rushed her to the hospital, where we spent a day of thanksgiving break. her doctor informed us that for the remainder of the pregnancy she would be put on bed rest.

when she got put on bed rest our entire schedule changed. L'Ray was stuck in bed and could only get up for the necessities. i started working a couple of hours in the morning before our son Kye woke for the day. then i would come home and take care of him and L'Ray until he laid down for his nap at 2pm. then i was back at the office until about 4, at which point i headed back to the house for more family time. i began doing the things that L'Ray did and man did she do more than i imagined around the house.

after a good teeth brushing for Kye he was down around 10pm and it was finally time for just me and L'Ray. when L'Ray would hit the hay i was back at it, finishing up things that didn't get done during my time in the office. my pillow usually didn't even feel my head flop down until sometime in the AM. I was Mr. Mom and i loved it! well, most of the time...

i tell you all of that because what happened was there were times when i began to feel overwhelmed by the situation we found ourselves in. it was in this spirit of exhaustion that satan grabbed hold of me and stealthily slid his arms around my chest and began to slowly constrict all air out of my lungs.

the more i tried to breathe, the tighter grip he took. the worst part of it all -- i didn't realize he had ahold of me. with lungs compressed and my knees feeling week, i fell flat on my face and could not pick myself back up. i became a victim to my situation. i began to feel tired, grumpy, unmotivated, inconsistent and spiritually dead.

i lived like this until recently.

it's funny how God speaks to me sometimes. his methods of getting my attention are quite unique, unforgettable and blunt. i am constantly waiting to see a talking donkey around the corner.

i was sitting down for a break from a good day of serious cleaning, when i thought, "i've got a few shows on dvr. i'll watch those." so i picked one of my favorites - kitchen nightmares. (laugh if you want). at the end of the show, the viewer learns that the restaurant that was 're-made' ended up closing the doors in less than six weeks. after getting ahold of the owners, the host arranges a meeting. at the meeting our passionate host tells the owner that she has squandered a brilliant opportunity; she had wasted it all away because she was lazy.

i felt like God punched me in the stomach. it was terrible. all i could hear was God saying, "you're wasting a terrific opportunity with this church, with your leaders, and with your family. you are giving me 30% when i am asking for 150%. "

it didn't stop there. it was as if God sat me down and said, "you've been wanting people to serve... you have a wife who needs you more than ever, a family, and a church that you can serve, but you're not. you're mediocre at best!"

it sucked. i started thinking and realized that i had been praying before i moved to Lewisville for people to 'serve'. i had been praying for it after we moved here as well. God had blessed me with a wife i could serve, kids to serve, and not to mention leaders and church members i could serve at any time i wanted.

i had all of this in front of me and i was squandering it all away because satan had me so focused on the what i was getting out of life, not what i was investing in it. my eyes had been shifted to ME and MY situation. suddenly it was all about ME whether i said anything to anyone or not - deep down it was ALL ABOUT ME.

taking care of my family
serving the church
being a minister
studying
prayer
worship
IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME and i played it off in my head like it was being done for the kingdom.

like many of us - i am really good at 'faking it'.

when we begin to fake it, church becomes the 'time honored institution'. in reality, the church should be a movement.

so i would like to extend an apology to all who i've had the opportunity to serve and have yet to do so. i've not been the spiritual leader i need to be. but times are changing and i feel more motivated than i have since i can remember. so look out! God has placed a fire within me to urge the stagnant up out of the seat of mediocrity. it's time to run again.

after the waves of emotion calmed a bit, i started thinking of how Christ is hardest on those who profess to be believers but yet exhibit none of the characteristics of a believer.

my mind is now replete with questions.

if you can't ask yourself the tough questions and answer them truthfully - growth is a grim reality for you.

so here they are for you to consider. i press you to ask yourself these. God asked me these and "it was the best of times and the worst of times".

are you faking it? are you pretending to be in tune with God a couple hours a week when the rest of your week resembles Hell more than Heaven?

are you exhausted yet?

it's absolutely draining to pretend sunday after sunday to be in love with Jesus. i've always been in Love with Christ but for a couple of months i was more concerned with ME than HIM.

do you think more about your prosperity than that of the Kingdom?

do you spend more time being selfless or selfish?

do you base a good church service on what worship did for you?

has life become all about you

about your prosperity

your retirement

your house

your wallet

your job

you

we all want the world to change, but we must be the first to give all of ourselves away so God can use us to bring heaven to earth.

if aren't willing to change, then how can we expect the lost to change?

if we sit and do nothing...
if we aren't willing to allow God to pose the difficult questions...
if we can't give our full hearts to Christ and be ready to go where He tells us to go....
then our lives look less like the Kingdom and more like the world.

it's time for you and me to stand up and serve people.

it's time for us to move.

it's time to stop being an institution known as "the church" and become a movement that was once called "the Way".

may we see Christ in all things.

may we understand that this life is about more than the american dream.

may our hearts and souls be ready to be pressed and molded to look more like Jesus.

may you serve your God, your brothers and sisters, and the world.

peace be with you.

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a needed depression

my grandparents held two things higher than any other -- their families and God.

i realize that statement isn't mind boggling. but the way they held their families and God is mind boggling.

one thing i remember about the klafka side is that family was everything. my dad grew up on a farm with 4 sister and one brother. if your bad at math, that's six in the family. they were a good german catholic family.

as farmers, they didn't have much, but what they didn't have in money, they made up in family. i remember going over to my grandparents house as a kid for christmas and there being 50 people crammed in a little 3 bedroom house. it was incredible to feel love like that.

my mothers parents were amazing people as well. my grandpa leon was also a farmer. i actually grew up in the same town just a block away. i could literally see their front door from our porch. often on friday nights i would stay over at their house, wake before dawn drink coffee and eat breakfast, then it was time for me and grandpa leon to go to the cotton gin for more coffee and conversation with other farmers. after the sun came up it was off to the farm. most of the time i would just ride on the plow while my grandpa drove the tractor but occassionally i would get to drive.

both sets of my grandparents worked harder than any people i have ever met. they worked like every once of energy meant something. nothing was wasted. there was no down time for piddling around on the web, just good, hard work getting your hands dirty. maybe that's why i love manual labor so much. i love to get my hands dirtly.

what i noticed, even as a kid, was that at the end of the day what they were working their tail off for wasn't money, it wasn't their retirement savings, it was to give them enough for today.

at the end of the day, what mattered most to my grandparents were their families. it was the ones they loved that they held higher than anything else.

the other thing i noticed was their reverence and love for God.

it was nothing less than incredible.

my grandma leon read through the Bible, genesis - revelation, more times than i know. she wanted so badly to know God better. her faith was strong, stronger than i can tell you. it was like a pillar that stretched as high as i could see. and my granpa leon hardly ever went to church. i remember him saying that worship to him was watching the sun rise over the caprock. his sanctuary was the land in which he worked to produce a crop.

as i reflect, i wonder what made my grandparents different than most people today... i think it was what they went through. i believe it was the hardships in life that directed them to hold faith and family as the supreme focus.

both sets of my grandparents lived through the stretch of american history we call "the great depression". as i grew older, what i discovered was how this piece of their personal histories affected their core values in life.

they lived through a time that was dismal at best. i remember hearing my grandma leon tell me stories of how during the depression they didn't have anything and how the dust storms would come through and block out the sun. she told how the dust would fly through the cracks around window and door frames so they would stuff towels in them. she described how they would eat only what the farm produced, which wasn't much, so you ate everything it could give. nothing was wasted.

i could see pain and hardship behind her eyes as she told story after story with enthusiastic joy.

you see, she didn't hate God for the depression, she thanked Him.

it was the depression that focused their eyes and hearts on God, on family.

it was one of the worst times in american history that changed how my grandparents viewed the world. neither one of my grandparents had much when it came to their bank accounts, but they had an abundance of faith and love. they were overflowing with what truly matters.

i wonder why it takes dire circumstances to show us what is important?

we live life chasing the wind.

if your focus is more on the fleeting things of this world than on your God -- you've missed the boat.

if you knew you were going to die at the end of the day today, what would your focus be on today? i would guess it would be on your retirement.

it takes the valleys to help us see that what is important isn't worldly things but our God and people around us.

i got to hear about a couple this week who showed me perspective. he has been battling cancer and of course it has been hard on everyone. but when his wife was asked if she had wished he never had cancer, she said no.

"why did she say no", you might be wondering?

she said "no" because it was the cancer that strengthened their marriage. battling cancer helped them grow in faith. it was cancer that gave them a new outlook on what was important in life.

the hardest times are when God becomes most real to us.

alot of people are really worried about the economy and it's decline. i say, bring it on. maybe people in america will see that stuff doesn't matter. maybe our own great depression is what the american church needs to walk through.

our faith might come out stronger on the other side. what we hold higher than God might just take a back seat for a while.

today, remember what is most important in your life.

may you hold your faith high.

may your mind be focused on the pursuit of God.

may the love that is within you, burst forth on the ones closest.

may your eyes be opened to the reality of the Kingdom.

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